Say it with Chocolate

Question: On Valentine’s Day, in which country do women give gifts of chocolate to the men in their lives—from sweethearts to family to "obligatory" coworkers?

Answer: Japan

It could be the premise of an American sitcom: On Valentine’s Day, a woman doesn’t receive a single gift from her husband. At the end of the day, said husband returns home from work laden with chocolates gifted to him by his female coworkers. He doesn’t even feel the need to hide them! It may not be grounds for divorce, but at least an evening of marital strife?

Not if you live in Japan. Valentine’s Day is big business here, and while many of the heart-shaped trappings in storefronts look familiar to those in the U.S., the Japanese put their own spin on the tradition. Women—not men—give the gifts on February 14. And the gift of choice is almost exclusively chocolate.

It all started in the 1950s, when an enterprising chocolatier capitalized on Japan’s growing fascination with Western customs by holding a Valentine’s Day sale at a Tokyo department store. Advertisements encouraged women to reveal their true feelings by giving chocolates to the man they loved. While some believe this shift was the result of a simple translation error, it nonetheless caught on among Japanese women, who were traditionally expected to be modest by nature. In the early years, a gift of chocolate from a woman sent a powerful romantic message that would otherwise have been seen as taboo.

In the late 1970s, yet another confectionary company saw an opportunity for women to get payback (while boosting revenue in the process). "White Day" was first celebrated on March 14, 1978, as an "answer day" to Valentine’s Day, encouraging men to reciprocate any gifts of chocolate they received a month earlier. At first, in keeping with the "white" theme, men responded with marshmallows or white chocolate. But the nature of the gifts has since evolved to include jewelry, clothing, and accessories—and today, the general rule is that a man’s White Day gift should be triple the value of what he received on Valentine’s Day. So perhaps the women won out?

For many modern Japanese women, though, no amount of White Day gifts is worth the hassle of purchasing Valentine’s Day chocolate for every man in her life. There has been particular backlash against gifting chocolate to coworkers, who may get offended if they don’t receive something—a prospect that women will begrudgingly spend thousands of yen to avoid.

For this reason, many workplaces have taken the pressure off women by banning the exchange of so-called "obligation chocolate." But there are several other types of Valentine’s chocolate that bring equal joy to the gift giver and giftee—who just might be one and the same.

5 Types of Gifts for Japanese Valentines

• Honmei-choco—Chocolate of love: Truest to the original spirit of the day, this type of chocolate is intended as a declaration of feelings—whether the giver is confessing love for the first time, or in an ongoing relationship. These can be either storebought for a hefty price tag, or handmade as a real labor of love. Stores sell special candy-making supplies in addition to packaged chocolates to accommodate those who prefer to DIY.


• Giri-choco—Chocolate of obligation: While much more affordable than honmei-choco, the price tag for giri-choco can still add up quickly, as the intended recipient could be just about anyone—a platonic friend, colleague, or even a customer for whom a woman wants to show appreciation. As stated above, it has decreased in popularity in recent years.


• Tomo-choco—Chocolate of friendship: These chocolates are given between female friends—particularly teenage girls—as proof of friendship. They are often cutely or elaborately decorated, and chosen to show how well friends know each other’s tastes.


• Fami-choco—Chocolate for family: To create chocolate treats for the men in the family, mothers get the kids involved, turning February 14 into a fun activity day in the kitchen.


• Jibun-choco—Chocolate for YOU: According to a 2020 survey, what type of Valentine’s chocolate did the highest percentage of women report buying? Jibun-choco—which is a woman’s gift to herself. That’s the kind of obligation chocolate we’ll gladly get behind.

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